Redefining Success

What Does It Take to Let Go of the Old Rules?

A lot of my reading lately has been circling around themes of purpose, ego, growth, and success. Reboot encourages leaders to grow emotionally and see the world as it really is so they can lead with more clarity, compassion, and authenticity. The Power of Meaning explores how leading a meaningful life means focusing on pillars that help us look outside ourselves. This conversation with the author of All the Gold Stars gets into the intersection and distinction between ambition, achievement, privilege. Even my fun read of the month—the story of the John Lennon and Paul McCartney of video games—highlighted how ego and individualism shape our idea of success.

It’s been making me think: What needs to change for this all-work, no-play culture to stop (for real)?

For a long time, I had a very narrow definition of who I was: above all, a successful NGO professional. I built an identity around that. And for a while, that worked—until it didn’t. Over the past few years, I’ve intentionally tried to let my identity be more flexible, more expansive. Now, I see myself as a lot of things: entrepreneur, mom, runner, coach. Success means more than just professional achievement. And I know—intellectually, at least—that I am enough, regardless of what I accomplish.

And honestly? I am happier. Calmer. More forgiving of myself. Less competitive. More present. A better business owner. But even with all this growth, there’s still a nagging little voice…

That voice creeps in when doubt hits, whispering: Are you sure you're not just justifying working less? Are you weaker now?

I share all this because I know I’m not alone. I know that for some of you who are looking for a change, who want to explore a different way of being, that voice is louder than it should be.

I know where that voice comes from.

I grew up immersed in an American culture that worships ambition. The American Dream, meritocracy, capitalism—so many of the narratives we’re raised with revolve around working hard and always achieving more. Always being bigger and better. In many ways, success is proof that you are worthy. Worthy of what? Not sure. But you’re definitely worthy.

And let me be clear—for me, work is fun. It feels good to be challenged, to work through the sticky bits, and to accomplish things. It feels good when hard work is recognized by those around you; when society rewards you with prestige or authority; or when you gain credibility, influence, or social clout.

But in the constant cycle of doing and achieving, there’s (maybe intentionally?) no space to pause and ask: What is it all for? Who is this all for?

When personal success is only defined by external achievements—the house, the job title, the six- or seven-figure business—it becomes a hungry thing, never satisfied, always demanding more. And often, we forget why.

I recently came across a post that said, “I can’t celebrate my achievements because, in my mind, it was my obligation to achieve them.” And I thought, Yes—this is exactly where so many of us live.

The real work isn’t about achieving more—it’s about the vulnerability to believe in a different definition of success.

So What Now? Define What Success Means to You.

One definition of success could be experience, impact, and alignment with values.

Ask yourself:

• Do you feel like you’re making decisions that reflect what matters most to you?
• Do you feel energized and engaged in your work?
• How are you improving the lives of your clients, community, or industry?
• Are you challenging yourself in ways that feel meaningful?
• Do you have control over how you spend your time?
• Are you building strong, authentic relationships?

For me, this is still a work in progress—and in many ways, I want it to stay that way. I don’t ever want to be done with questioning, evolving, and redefining success. The hardest part isn’t the work itself; it’s trusting yourself enough to believe in and fully embrace the new definition. 

What do you think? What does success mean to you?